Lessons In Awkward

I realized a lot of my posts end with a lessons learned section – with, you guessed it, the lessons I got my ass schooled on for each creeper incidence I’ve incurred. Below is a compilation with a link to its original story. Enjoy.

  1. People are full of fucking surprises
  2. Never sit on the couch
  3. Store sock in car emergency kit
  4. Sit in the car to read your car manual
  5. Creepy fuckers are invading the beach – and apparently really like motorcycle races
  6. I have a respectable Darwinian flight or fight response. Eight times out of 10 I’m going to succumb to it. Like the cavewoman who stumbles across a dinosaur, my unexpected speediness can be quite impressive. Unfortunately, and perhaps in later stories you will find, my flight or fight is often confounded by my fainting goat response. Fly balls, timed trivia questions, avalanche: Yeah, I’ll probably freeze.
  7. Never sit down with giggly foreign men, it will not turn out well
  8. No more karaoke clubs in creepster bar
  9. My creepdar is surprisingly accurate
  10. Not everyone thinks a giant stuffed animal hovering outside their window is funny.
  11. Next time some drunk bounces a huge fucking balloon your direction, get out your thumb pin, knife, sword…whatever it is you carry on you and pop that shit.
  12. Chatty Starbz baristas must be told to set down the fucking cup before you reach to pick it up
  13. Never stop at those fucking kiosks – NEVER
  14. Free samples = fucking tricks
  15. It’s time to take “learn to be an asshole” classes
  16. Also, in case this inspired you to go buy sea salt – don’t. That shit didn’t help at all. Lies, I tell you, lies!

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