Today I was running through CVS to pick-up a prescription when the powers of the universe drew my gaze in the direction of something that made me stop.
I laughed. Donkey’s milk? Growing up in the Midwest we barely had more than Skim and Whole Milk, so where the fuck did Donkey’s milk come from? Surprised, amazed, and humored by this new product I snapped a shot and sent it to my boyfriend. Getting home I sent the picture onto my mom knowing she might also get a laugh from it. Then I got down to business and decided I needed to know more about Donkey’s Milk.
Google: Donkey’s Milk.
I see Amazon pop-up. Okay, apparently there’s some demand for this product. What else is there…okay second hit, Wikipedia “Donkey’s Milk.” Before I even click on the page I feast my eyes on the search results description:
“Or Ass milk”…oh yeah, duh, that’s the casual, colloquial version I should’ve been calling it. I immediately burst into giggles.
MUST READ MORE ABOUT ASS MILK.
The wikipedia page dives into all the wonders of ass milk. And it truly is interesting. Apparently it’s comparable to human breast milk, but even more exciting, in my opinion, are all the famous historical figures who heralded the ass milk trend. Cleopatra herself used to “bathe in ass milk.”
Nero’s wife required “whole troops of she-asses to attend her on her journeys.”
AND EVEN MORE?! YES!
Napoleon Bonaparte’s sister, didn’t miss out on that new hotness either. Hell no, she was all about a good old splash of ass milk to improve her skin’s health. Not to mention Hippocrates sung it’s praises for ailments as well.
So there you go folks. Get your ass milk. It’s probably at your local CVS or Rite Aid or Duane Reade or whatever ass milk vendor you have nearby–apparently it works wonders. Just ask Cleopatra.
Hippocrates, also pointed out, “In cases where persons have swallowed quicksilver, bacon is the proper remedy to be employed.” BACON?!