Like Forest Gump’s mother said, life is like a box of chocolate’s you never know what you’re going to get. I sure as fuck didn’t know what I was going to get when I recently heard someone screaming out the window of my apartment.
There’s a fairly busy intersection nearby and it’s not uncommon to hear a disgruntled driver or bicyclist or runner screaming at someone as a result of one near death experience or another. This results in regular window-side entertainment for boyfriend and I as we watch shit go down from our nice little perch above.
Recently after getting home early from work on a cool day when we had our windows down I hear someone screaming at the top of their lungs. Curious to see the latest shit go down, I made my way to the window to peer out. I hear screaming, but can’t quite see where it’s coming from. As a listen further, it becomes clear that someone is yelling something on repeat.
A few seconds later I realize it’s a man yelling…”DILDO! DILDO! DILDO! DILDO” No…surely that’s not right, I think to myself. I listen closer and again, all I hear is “DILDO! DILDO! DILDO! DILDO.” Finally, the man comes into sight and it’s some white dude with a fishing hat (think Wilson from Home Improvement) riding down the street on a scooter screaming Dildo, on repeat, from the top of his lungs.
I start dying laughing and fumble with my phone to record this absurd moment. As he zooms by screaming this (in anger? joy? wonder?) I fail to take a picture, but die laughing when I see him go by the dog park and ALL the dogs start barking their heads off at his scream.
I then proceeded to text my mom about the man who just scootered by screaming “dildo” at the top of his lungs.